The Revenge of the Mayans

Mayan temple at Palenque, Chiapas, Mexico 

This is a startling revelation. I’d tweet it to the universe but I’m not a twit and have zero followers there. My problem has always been that I can’t say anything in 140 characters or less.

So I will release my finding here to the Society of Honorcadre of capable commenters with the understanding that you will do all that is in your power to make the greater world understand what has happened.
I know there are skeptics amongst you, and that is fine. I’m looking for the converts, however, those who have the farsight to grasp new dimensions of existence. Those who are not bound by the past. Those who would accept reincarnation as truth if they somehow met themselves both coming and going.
Here’s the deal, in bold headlines.
Okay, I know, I know you are throwing up your hands and saying, “ach, what’s this lunatic American smoking now?”
You are thinking: “The Mayan end-of-the-world prediction has been debunked. We are still here.”
Well, straight shot, here’s the science that’s involved. What we thought was a theory is evidently true. The principle of the Multiverse is true. For those of you who believe science is something like STD, to be avoided at all cost, I provide you with this down and dirtysnippet from the famed Astronomy Department of Pomona University:
The Elegance of the Multiverse
  • The Multiverse theory for the universe has been a recently accepted theory that describes the continuous formation of universes through the collapse of giant stars and the formation of black holes.  With each of these black holes there is a new point of singularity and a new possible universe.  As Rees describes it, “Our universe may be just one element – one atom, as it were – in an infinite ensemble: a cosmic archipelago.  Each universe starts with its own big bang, acquires a distinctive imprint (and its individual physical laws) as it cools, and traces out its own cosmic cycle.  The big bang that triggered our entire universe is, in this grander perspective, an infinitesimal part of an elaborate structure that extends far beyond the range of any telescopes.” 
On the day the Mayans pointed to, the day the world as we know it ended, we encountered a seamless transition to a different universe, to a different place.  Same timeline and history. Same people and events. Same places. Very different godly foundation. Trust me, the devil is indeed in the details.
What the Mayans knew they kept to themselves, that the “end” meant it was time for a new era of existence, a new plane of existence, a world we shall, in our language, call:
JoeAm’s second favorite cousin (next to Angry Maude), is a hot chick named Sylvia who once danced with Elvis Presley. She is a skilled archeologist of the Indiana Jones school of study, believing field work, or temple climbing and cave creeping, are essential archeological skills.
Her single-minded obsession has been to prove that Elvis, indeed, is still alive. She wants to try that dance again because, you see, she was married the first time she met him at a bar in Lake Charles, Missouri. As the evening played out, and after several romantic slow dances, Elvis asked her if she wanted to leave with him. She said “no”.  As the fates of that universe would have it, she soon discovered that her husband was an abusive jerk and they divorced a couple of years later. She has regretted for a lifetime not leaving that bar with Elvis.
(Note to self: advocate for Philippine Divorce Bill, in respect of Sylvia’s abuse.)
Mayan Range: Mexico and Guatemala. Click to enlarge.

Cousin Sylvia is now 77 years old and was feisty as hell the last time I spoke with her, 11 weeks ago.

But I digress.
The Mayans predicted the end of the world would arrive at 6:12 am, New York Time, on December 21, 2012. This was worked out through study of carvings on a Mayan stone tablet called “Monument 6”, carved by Mayan priests in 700 A.D. In the most delicious of mysterious fates, half of that tablet, until now, has been missing. (Source: CNN)
Mayans divide (intentional use of the present tense) time into periods called “baktuns” which are each 144,000 days in length. The 13th and “final” baktun of the old world ended on December 21, last year. (Source: NPR)
Temple near Parque Nacional Sierra Del Lacandon, Guatemala
HERE’S THE EARTH-SHATTERING NEWS SCOOP; even Rupert Murdoch does not have this one: Sylvia informed me through secret channels that she managed to recover the missing half of the broken tablet. She calls it “Monument 6b”.  The journey of her discovery started at the Mayan temple at Palenque, Chiapas, Mexico (refer to Google map, above, and the photo at the top of the blog). Newly excavated carvings led her to a more remote temple in the mountains of Parque Nacional Sierra Del Lacandon in northern Guatemala (refer to map and photo). There she found another ancient map, carved in stone. She declined to provide the route or place of actual discovery but did enclose photos suggesting Monument 6b was found in a cave hidden behind a remote waterfall (photos). She said to keep this in confidence and release it only in the event she should encounter problems with trecherous treasure hunters, or governments.
I have not heard from her in 11 weeks, after considerable effort and expense at trying to locate her. So I have decided to reveal these secrets. I was also influenced by how uplifting this discovery is likely to be to Filipinos.
Unkown Waterfall

Read on.

The translation of the tablet was stunning.
The Mayans knew that the earth was destined to be pulled into a transitional wormhole at the end of the 13th baktun. Life as we knew it would end, but it would begin anew, immediately. Ensuing would be a period  during which Mayan priests would exact their revenge on the heathen faiths and scurrilous souls of our time. The prediction is echoed in stories told by the hill tribes of remote Guatemala whose elders speak of a “período de redención y venganza”, a period of redemption and revenge, led by reincarnated Mayan priests.
Cave of Sylvia’s Discovery

Long story short: We have gone through a multiverse transition. It was seamless. No one knows, until now.

I asked Sylvia to explain exactly what this meant in terms that Filipinos might understand.
She laughed lustily, for, post Elvis, it seems to me she always laughed lustily. She whispered:
“The internet, Cuz. It is the vehicle of redemption. You figure it out.”
Well, boy howdy, two and two instantly added up.
I recalled the visit paid by VP Binay, former President Estrada, and Senate President Enrile to suspended and rebellious Governor Garcia of Cebu. I thought at the time, what a mistake. Binay is killing his election chances.
You see, these guys are still operating by the ground rules of the universe that died on December 21. In the new universe, they are subject to the revenge of the Mayans.
Strange Humanoids of the Dead Multiverse
I’m not sure exactly how this will work out. But I figure the Philippines has suddenly been given a new direction, a new lease on life, and those scurillous politicians and family barons who continue to operate under old world values are on the way out. Severe anxieties and punishments are headed their way. And they are completely oblivious.
It follows from the newfound tablets that Mayan descendants now live in the Philippines, either sailing the Pacific directly or via birth through the Spanish or via some avenue that is not yet clear. If so, the Philippines is blessed with good Mayan fortune.
And as for the Catholic Church, which spent 400 years holding the Philippines in dark age purgatory, I figure the CBCP leaders, too, believe they are still in the old, dead world where what they say matters. A world they ruled badly, judging from the angers and poverty rife in the Philippines for centuries. And the priests are now on a path that is most assuredly headed toward extinction. The only question is how anxious the Mayan priests are to exact their revenge, and whether or not they have any compassion for misguided priests who engage in political deceits and power plays like ordinary man. 
I also surmise that President Aquino is a former high chieftain of the Mayan tribes. His stunning resurrection of Philippine confidence and economic energy most assuredly came from a mysterious power, a religious power. And it is even within the realm of belief that we bloggers and netizens are advocates of the Mayan faith. Is there any other way to explain the amazing blossoming and power of social media and the internet in the Philippines?
Is it coincidence or Mayan will that Joe Am arrived in the Philippines just prior to the end of the 13th baktun? Is Raissa Robles a Mayan priestess?
How are YOU feeling today?
35 Responses to “The Revenge of the Mayans”
  1. Anonymous says:

    It is written in the stars JoeAm. You arrived in the Philippine Archipelago for a Reason you yourself can not explain. And it is the Filipinos' good fortune that you brought along Enlightenment and your power of human reason. Shalom!-Your fan in Long Island NY

  2. Thanks, New York. I wondered what I was doing here! Regards to you so far, far away . . . and yet so near.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I am guessing you are having your morning coffee and donut in Dumaguete City right at this moment while I am having my late afternoon chai tea and bagel to enhance my memory here in New York City. At least we have one thing in common JoeAm my idol. We are both married to sweet darling Filipinas. Wifey promised she will take care of me longer than forever. What did your wife promise you? -Same fan in Long Island

  4. She promised to take me shopping once a month. I'd love an onion bagel with a thick glop of cream cheese.

  5. Cha says:

    Truly inspired piece of writing, Joe. Who else would have thought to make a connection between the Mayans and those three UNA-nos. (Did anyone ever tell you that unano is the tagalog word used to describe someone diminutive/ dwarfish?)So, I looked at that photo of those 3 with the Cebuana Queen and I see what got you there. There's the mummified looking Enrile, the zombie look alike Binay and the constantly mutating Estrada. Why wouldn't one think of end-of-the world scenarios with a vision such as this? The Governor, of course does not look anything like the three. She still looks quite young and even lovely. But then, so did Snow White's evil stepmother. (But that's already moving on to a different genre.)In a dystopian version of the Philippines, the three malignant creatures would have reigned supreme. But like you said, it's a different world out there now. Not quite Utopia either but definitely one more habitable than it used to be. Thanks in no small measure to the now unstoppable army of keyboard punching cyber warriors led by a motley but nonetheless formidable crew of bloggers (such as those recipients of yesterday's blogging awards).So how am I feeling today? I smell the blood of three foolish men.

  6. Thank you, Cha. I enjoyed doing this piece more than any other I've done. I have to thank my cousin Sylvia for the inspiration, for her obsession over Elvis is a reflection of many of her passions. I'm confident she will pop up again one of these days. And I have to thank the three zombie-lookalikes which reminded me of one of the greatest movies in filmdom, "Shaun of the Dead".I'm confident we will see the photo again because Angry Maude latched onto it and went into a screaming fit I haven't heard since Mom found the gartersnake in her farm work boot.

  7. ps, thanks for the definition of the word "UNAnos".

  8. Edgar Lores says:

    1. Now it can be told: Filipinos are the long-lost distant cousins of the Mayans. The dominant theory on the origins of Filipinos, the Austronesian Expansion Theory, states that Malayo-Polynesians migrated to the Philippines via a land bridge. Pah! How little do they know. Proof?1.1. The Mayan civilisation reached its peak during the Classic period (AD 250 to 900). Note that 900 AD is the end of Philippine pre-history. The date of April 21 of that year is inscribed in the oldest Philippine document found so far, the Laguna Copperplate Inscription. More proof?1.2. The Maya, as we know it, is the National Bird of the Philippines. Therefore we are birds of a feather.1.3 One of the well-know cities of the Mayans is Palenque. And where do we buy our daily meals? Need I say more?1.4 We use “maya” as a prefix to denote some sort of greatness. We say maya-bang to refer to a braggadocio. And maya-man for a Croesus.1.5 We also use “maya” as a suffix. We say ma-maya to indicate our habit of procrastination and our lordship over time.1.6 The Mayan civilization was destroyed by the Spanish conquistadores. And who did the same to the Philippines? No, surely that was not coincidence, that was written in the stars.1.7 Specifically, the Igorots are the full first cousins of the Mayans. Both people live in high places, in the mountains near the clouds.1.8 The Mayans are most notable for their stepped pyramids. Where do you think the idea of stepped rice terraces came from?2. So how did the Mayans reach the Philippines? Well, before land bridges, there were air bridges that could be reached by beanstalks. Yes, precisely, that’s where the story of Jack came from.3. Another background point is that the Spanish referred to us as Indios. Los indios bravos. So both races are also related to the Indian race. No, not the American Indians, the Asian ones.3.1 In Vedic philosophy, maya is the power by which the universe becomes manifest. Sorry, make that plural. Universes or multi-verses.3.2 Maya is also defined as the supernatural power wielded by gods and demons to produce illusions. So there is good maya and bad maya.3.3 The year 2012 was significant for Mayans, yes? It was a good year for good maya and good Mayans and the beginning of the end for bad maya and bad Mayans. We all know who the villains and heroes are.

  9. Edgar, thank you so much for providing this factual rendition supporting the modern Mayan folklore I have audaciously had the courage to publish. Skeptics abound, I know, and it is good to document the threads of truth that bind the fabric of Mayan soul to the Filipino Nation. I suspect if we looked at the Filipino street festival garb side by side with Mayan festive garb, we'd be shocked.I am rather betting the villains keep behaving in old world fashion, thereby becoming highly noticeable to more and more enlightened Filipinos.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Inspired piece, yes. The book Why Nations Fail talks also of Mayans being bled dry by extractive political and economic institutions put up by Spain. There is that parallelism with our country. I think the UNA triumvirate is hell bent on continuing with that legacy, not the positive multiverse I'm afraid…DocB

  11. Hi, Doc. The point of the article is that the UNA triumvirate is detached from the present reality, brought on by the advent of the internet, a Mayan concept of community enlightenment come to pass, that will reveal charlatans for what they are. The broadening core of informed citizens, plugged in to social media, will understand that it makes little sense to have four top government officials striking a pious praying pose whilst engaged in the breaking of a law in defiance of the State.Binay will not be president. You read it here first. It's on the Mayan tablet, Monument 6b, that no longer will the people permit the State submit to those who want power for personal gain. The Spanish are gone and the crooks are on the way out.

  12. ps, definition of "crook", one whose ethics allow one to attach personal material gain to public service, above and beyond one's salary. In other words, someone who uses his position of authority to carve out personal gain from RE developers who apply to the City for permits is by this definition a "crook", even if it cannot be shown that he broke any established laws. And any use of disparaging terms applied in JoeAm's blogs have "alledged" or "satire" pasted all over them. It's kinda like those labels you see on cans at grocery stores with all the little lines the computers read.

  13. Cha says:

    Edgar, Tito Sotto is one of the bad mayas… Because he is gaya-gaya puto maya. (Joe, gaya gaya puto maya is tagalog play on words for a copycat)

  14. Anonymous says:

    That picture of Gwen Garcia with Erap, Binay and Enrile made me sick. Seriously. Those four are walking garbage dumps.

  15. It is a bizarre photo. And I have no facts at my disposal to enable me to contest your characterization of the group. I shall keep looking. Maybe there is something around here somewhere . . .

  16. J says:

    To be honest, when I first heard of the name Gwen Garcia I thought she was a sexy starlet LOL

  17. Hey Joe!Noticed you commented on my Rappler post regarding Weibo. Just wanted to say that while China may do it for political reasons, right now my personal leaning is towards some kind of moral authority trying to control the net and keep it safe from the young ones.Case in point would be the recent weirdness about a Pinoy internet show and how the MTRCB wants to regulate Internet shows. Kinda silly, but you never know.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Hi Joe,I am new fan. Love your work.Agree, Binay will not be president. I am hoping that there will be a new candidate that will rise by 2014-2015 similar to PNoy.Please continue your work.Nep

  19. Attila says:

    "The Mayan civilization was destroyed by the Spanish conquistadors."The Mayan destroyed themselves before the Spanish arrived. The Incas and the Aztecs were indeed destroyed by the Spanish with the help of other Indian tribes.

  20. Anonymous says:

    You must be referring to Gwen Garci.:-)

  21. Anonymous says:

    I've seen more bizarre photos and alliances, actually. One example would be Liza Maza and Satur Ocampo teaming up with Villar in the 2010 elections. Indeed, it's more fun in the Philippines.

  22. Hello, Nep. Good of you to read and visit with a comment. I think LP will field a decent choice for President in 2016. If UNA wants to win, they will field someone other than Binay, who is likely not to stand up to the clean governance demand of Filipinos.

  23. Ah, I'd love to see that photo if you've got a link. Or maybe I can dredge it up through search. If so, I'll post it in the right column. Maybe start a rogues gallery.

  24. Hi, Victor, thanks for bopping all the way over here to comment. Actually, that is not a bad idea. It ought to also encompass television and radio. I get tired of hearing the F word blasted in the music my young son hears. Which reminds me . . .It seems to me congress tries to overdo the particulars of rule-making, rather than leaving the finer points to regulators. For instance setting a fixed minimum wage in the congessional law, rather than setting a self-adjusting formula or giving the task of establishing the amount to regulators. So congress has to pull out the law every few years to amend the amount to fit inflation. Not efficient.I think the Constitution is a little like that, too. Too much law and not enough profound principle on which case law can be built.Cheers. You certainly got my thinking going . . .

  25. Attila, thanks. Maybe I'll do a more historical follow-on to this story. I look at those Mayan buildings and wonder how such advanced men could so thoroughly fail to grow strong and survive. They are the Egyptian pharoahs of the Western Hemisphere.

  26. 8 people including 2 children and one fetus was sent to the Mayan wormhole yesterday by a intoxicated negrito village chief 10 miles south of Manila. Several were in the blackhole for a while.In Yahoo! News, it claimed that there are more homicides per 100,000 in the Philippines than in the United States. And that U.N. Office of Drug and Crime statistics was back in 2003 !!! What is startling about that news is there are more gun ownership-ratio in the U.S. than in the Philippines. Another stunning snippet is if Filipinos cannot get a gun legally they have their neighbor horseshoe smith bang out one for them. No serial number. No paperworks. $10.00 a piece.What is sick about Filipinos is when law enforcers set up frisk stations, Filipinos scream for their privacy protection from illegal search but it was OK to violate the privacy of Corona’s dollar account. To this day Corona has not proved where he got the money from and how it was raised. He also claimed privacy protection. Sick Philippines.Gulfnews of the Middle-East branded the shooter as a village chief. Add fanatical religious belief of Taliban Christianity plus off-the-wall homicides divided by number of naked children roaming the streets of Manila multiplied that by the number of 7,100 islands IT MAKES AFGHANISTAN SAFER THAN THE PHILIPPINES.They have the Garcias not stepping down for 6-months. Imams from Liberary Party swore allegiance to Garcia. Benign0 not stepping hard like he stepped hard on Corona Philippines is heading into a blackhole.Scary thought when election is just 5 months away. Something gotta give.

  27. Do skinny Gwen have hots for old crinkled men ?We must have woken up in the other side of the world.

  28. You should consider going into radio or television news. I hauled out my old radio voice from when I read news in Los Angeles as an aspiring journalist, and did your article. Wonderful news snippets. I figure about 0.14% of the population would get what you're driving at, but it reads well.Hey, what do you want, suburban U.S. here? It is more interesting for sure in the Philippines.

  29. Attila says:

    "Mayans being bled dry by extractive political and economic institutions put up by Spain"Wrong. Interesting to see how the Spanish are used as a scapegoat. The Mayans did it to themselves. Read history, Hay Nako! As for the others, the Spanish Conquistadors would not have been able to conquer the Incas and the Aztecs if it weren't for the help of the many other Indian nations who hated the Incas and the Aztecs. They were victimized, brutally oppressed, enslaved and often massacred by the glorious Incas and the Aztecs. Maybe National Geographic should do some research on how the Spanish were able to conquer the Philippines. I'm afraid for a very similar reasons. Different ethnic groups, with their own island and culture and religions were violating each other. Lapu-Lapus were on every islands who were in war with their neighbors. Spain had no difficulty finding allies and rule them all.

  30. Really interesting point, Attila. It was also divisiveness among Filipinos that undermined Aguinaldo and provided the basis for the U.S. to occupy the Philippines.

  31. Edgar Lores says:

    Attila, thanks for the history correction. Sometimes we do not let inconvenient truths disrupt poetic licence. That's the power of maya.

  32. Attila says:

    …and when will the Filipinos acknowledge that and take some responsibility for it?

  33. Perhaps not enough "spirit of the law" + compassionate justice and too much "the law is absolute" + follow or die?

  34. Nice characterization. Made me laugh.

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