Dear Son . . . Get Angry
By Maria Cynthia Zamora
November 13, 2016, Sunday
I saw your comments in the social media recently and noticed that you visit these particular accounts more often than before. There is an undertone of anger in your messages. I wonʼt ask you why. I assume I know why. But, next time you hit SEND button in your replies and shares, please think a minute. Reflect whether the subject is worth arguing, whether your remarks are plain out-burst of your sensitivity over the matter or you have a cause to fight for. Think whether you are arguing over trivial matter or something rational. Pause if you are still very angry.
Anger like fear is a negative emotion. It will make you feel bad and do stupid things. People who are angry are oftentimes unreasonable, defensive and difficult. I donʼt want you to be like this and at the same time, I donʼt want you to suppress your anger. It is bad to your peace of mind and health. So, let us know this emotion.
Everybody gets angry at different times, to varying degrees, on various stimulus. From mild anger to rage. Simple things to moral decay. This minute or next. Anger is as normal as having crushes in school. Like admiring a beautiful lady but not her knees. When one gets angry, it does not mean the person is bad. Perhaps, he is just having a bad time or trying to change a hard situation.
Then, what is anger? Anger is a reaction, a secondary emotion provoked by things that do not go with your belief or learning. It can be triggered by pain, dissatisfaction of what is happening, insults, bad news, even boredom. It can also be triggered by your own desire to correct things and make it work. Anger does not pop out of the blues but it is not for nothing. There must be a reason.
Anger is a never ending battle over right or wrong. It is paradoxical. It is bad and good by itself. It may be detrimental to the person and beneficial on the other side. It can block manʼs senses, ruin his well being, make him weak and powerless. Yet when captured, this enemy monster can empower the man with a strength that he himself may not know existed in his being. It has brought men and women a superior view of the world and significant changes. It has given them a name in the history.
It is instantaneous. It can explode in an instance hurting the person and those around him. Sad to say, nowadays, anger abounds in the social media where there are no arbiters. This is your world today. Emotions go uncontrolled. Ending, unknown. As much as possible, never express your anger in this medium unless you know how to recognize your anger, especially when you donʼt know at whom you are angry and do not know what you are arguing for.
Anger did not caused the wars. In my opinion, it is caused by fear, self interest, egoism and self entitlement. On the contrary, anger halted the Vietnam War. When young people of your age marched and camped in the Capitol Hill holding placards that said “Make Love Not War”, the world listened. It tamed a discriminating ideology in Eastern Europe and brought down the Berlin Wall to end a divide. Our country has a share of history, too, about angry people when people said “ENOUGH” to the dictatorship that caused so much pain and poverty. Oh, it was so glorious. It brought me to tears while watching it on television caressing your kuya on my tummy. Those people, those courageous people were rewarded with invisible medals of pure gold shining forever on their chests. No one must forget such time.
A sudden burst of anger is not good at all. So, learn to control it. Let me compare it to a two-lane highway with double straight line going to Hatred City. No choice but Left or Right lane. Pick the left lane, you go fast and straight. Braking abruptly is highly dangerous. Pick the right lane, you go slower but you can exit when necessary. When confronting an exit, slow down. Read the signs and directions for there is no GPS in anger.
When you are angry, follow these tips:
- Step back;
- Be silent. Study the situation. An enemy may be your best friend in the future. You will never know.
- Filter your anger based on the foundation of correctness and goodness with no prejudice to others. Ask yourself if your anger is justifiable or proportionate to the wrongdoings. Will it solve the problem?
- Speak your mind. Donʼt vent on wrongdoings but maintain respect.
- If you are still very angry, repeat 1,2 and 3. Remember, of all the emotions, it is the hardest to control. Use Anger with caution.
Now, my pending question. Why are you angry? Are you angry because someone opposed your views? Or are you angry because there are injustices and unfairness happening nowadays? If you can distinguish the difference between the two questions, then it will be easy for you to pick which lane you take.
Perhaps, confidently, you can get angry and gain an invisible medal too.