This Top Secret Report Just In

Unknown to readers and even Angry Maude, JoeAm three months ago hired a black ops organization to do some undercover work. A “black ops organization”  is a secret agency so secret that its existence must be denied by every alphabet known to the entire spy world, including the FBI, CIA, NBI, NBA, KGB, NRA, IRA, USDA and Greenpeace.

This organization is darker than the cave of the underground river on a moonless light, with that cheap Chinese flashlight the boatmen carry emptied of batteries. You couldn’t find this organization with radar or SONAR or GPS or a ten foot pole. It is invisible, a chameleonic shape-shifter able to go places ordinary men and women only dream of. It can hack and crack computers impervious to that world-famous hacking organization Anonymous and its cadre of technically ingenius evil-eyed gameboys.

Are you getting the picture? This organization can go anywhere at anytime and never be seen. It has ears the size of Dumbo and a nose the size of Dumbo and muscles the size of Rambo. It can go up, under, around and through any obstacle, even virus software, sandbagged bunkers, military riot squadrons and Philippine mall police. These guys are professionals, although they may look like Sonny Angara or Piolo Pascual or Charice. Absolutely normal. They go with the flow, bend in the wind, fly in the sky and dig in the dirt. Agile and strong. Smarter than a brass tack.
So Joe hired them at no small expense and gave them their charter:
  • Find out who reads JoeAm’s Society of Honor blog, and who does not.
Here’s what they discovered:
Group One-A:  The Society of Honor. These men and women are a special bunch of intellectually, multi-dimensionally, cross-culturally gifted Filipinos and non-Filipinos  having connections with the Philippines. They are the people who comment. They’ve been around. They think for themselves. They are mature and civil. They can take a joke and dish one out. They are well-read and know what is going on. They can parse complex problems and articulate solutions. They see the Philippines clearly. They bring a wide set of experiences to bear on topics presented here. They are worth reading, for sure.
They are the makers of ideas.

Group One-B: These are the quiet men and women who read the blog regularly but don’t type much. Possibly because they are shy, or perhaps not confident of their English expression or arguments, or perhaps because they don’t type much. But they read and think and share ideas with their friends. They are the strong silent types.

They are the bakers of ideas.

Group Two:  Opinion makers and politicians who, by the importance of their station, are required to refrain from commenting. But they read, and think, and incorporate the ideas they like within their own thinking. Journalists are in this bunch, and certain legislative staffers, and even people on President Aquino’s cabinet or staff. They may just peek in, or even read regularly. For sure, they are there because some have introduced themselves to JoeAm in the background.
They are the takers and shakers of ideas.
Group Three:  The curious and the spot-checkers. People pass through, maybe from a link plopped on Rappler or other blogs. A few enjoy what they read and stop in once in a while. A great many don’t connect with the writing style or the idea the blog is written by an American or the irreverent style or other reasons. They move on down the road.
They are the forsakers of ideas.
Group One: The anti’s and the envious. The complainers don’t read this blog. They are offended by JoeAm’s relentless positive view of President Aquino and the Philippines. It infuriates and depresses them to even think that their complaints, whines and gripes are so much spit into the wind. Also in this group are other bloggers who somehow think they are competing with JoeAm even though he only competes with himself. These are people who are happy when others fail.
Group Two: The great unread. Face it, the big words, complex concepts, and satirical style zoom right past most Filipinos. There are like 92 million of them in the Philippines. They include the unaware, the unread, the technologically unplugged, and kids.
In addition to the quantitative look at who reads, our black operators also explored what readers think about the blog. Here are their findings in short bullet-point capsules:

  • The pictures are cool. They are funny and lots of times have hidden meanings.
  • Joe is nuts, a bit of a friendly blowhard with lots of opinions that sometimes get tiresome, but it is worth it for the refreshing ideas or good jokes that float through now and then.
  • People don’t understand 34.8% of what Joe is writing about, especially when he gets into literature that people haven’t read, or goes back so far with his stories that he appears as a figment of ancient history.
  • Readership increases when Angry Maude rages or Joe disses Get Real Post. Readers may be smart, but they like a little good dirt now and then like anybody else.
  • They’d like to read more from guest writers, especially Filipino writers. Readers are proud of their own and like the change in pace from Joe’s daily grindings.
  • They don’t like it when Joe imposes a superiority complex on things Filipino. Fortunately, the Society readers are candid enough to take Joe to task when he is going arrogant.
  • Readers appreciate the contribution Joe is making to the Philippine dialogue.

JoeAm has released the black ops unit from any further inquiry. He gave them a generous bonus for the depth of their findings. It is rumored they are now training up on underwater sabotage and speaking Chinese. They were last seen waterproofing a bunch of maps of the Spratleys.
10 Responses to “This Top Secret Report Just In”
  1. Anonymous says:

    What. Readers think of this blog:1, 6, 7— seduced me, right Joeor "seduce" for Maude and captivated for Joe?Does Dumbo have a nose or a trunk?Must be the size of Pinnochio noseHe he heJohnny Lin

  2. Edgar Lores says:

    1. If the unexamined life is not worth living, then the unexamined blog is not worth reading.2. Self-reflection leads to self-realization leads to self-enlightenment.2.1 Navel-gazing is beneficial. Do you know that different organisms live in the belly button depending on whether a person belongs to the royal unhygienic class (the great unwashed) or to the common hygienic variety? And also whether you have an outie or an innie button?2.2 I read this in a Huffpost link to a science digest article so it must be true.3. I have an innie button, and the organisms living there must enjoy the roller coaster ride when I go for a walk. I think they particular like it when I’m reading this blog and my belly rumbles with the outright guffaws that I cannot help but make.4. Whether I belong to the royal or common class I will keep for myself, thank you. But as a matter of interest and not, I assure you, a matter of concern, what is the midpoint between royal or common?4.1 I believe in pre-Hispanic times, in the times of the datus, they were called the freemen.4.2 I think in these modern times they may also be called such, and I greatly suspect they belong – secretly or not and whether they know it or not – to the Society of Honor.

  3. Edgar Lores says:

    Correction: "I think they particular like it when I'm reading this blog and they are gently stirred but not shaken when my belly rumbles with the outright guffaws that I cannot help but make."

  4. Gadzooks, I am extolling the brilliance of the Society and you are yapping about the creatures inhabiting belly buttons. Did I say the Society is independent thinkers and opiners? Yes,Freemen and even women . . .Is that black ops guy #2 Jim Carey?

  5. Captivated works for me. You can seduce Maude at your own risk.My car has a trunk. 3. You understand way too well what I mean.

  6. Edgar Lores says:

    Yes, I rather think it is. The masks of comedy and tragedy. Behind the face of death is a face of mirth. The ability and the necessity to see a joke, or the joke, behind impermanence. Very zen.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Joe3. Ask your wife to translate: "papunta ka lang pabalik nako"He he heJohnny Lin

  8. Right, Johnny. You are one step ahead, always. (My translation of the translation, going and coming back already).

  9. Church Pew Research Ops also observed that commenters at Philippine News website are touchy people. They eat and swallow unfounded incredible allegories of their church sermons but cannot dig factual allegories in blogs.Philippine Press are ignoramuses: 1) Outing of rape victim Nicole with pictures, affidavits, addresses and all2) Ces Drilon kidnapping news blackout afraid publicity hungry terrorist Abu Sayaf might get angry3) They do not know privacy laws but sure they can argue till hell freezes over cybercrime bill’s minutinae and RHBill and other mind-boogling laws4) They can analyze and critique politics but are just simply cluelessly bewildered why NYPD do not divulge weapons of crime, name, race and age of victim, time of death etcetera5) The U.P. Ateneo and la Salle journalism-graduates are still scratching their head why 1st world law enforcement do not rely on witness accounts and their affidavits over scientific forensics6) These ivy-school journalism graduates are in a fog why intelligent people cannot accept the evidence against Palawan Governor of killing their own. The evidence is perpetually critiquing the governor.7) These ivy-school journalism graduates INSTANTLY knew it was Ampatuan that ampatuanized 52 jouranlist in Maguindanao even before they rounded up witness accounts and affidavits and forensics. Their evidence, again, Ampatuan hates fake-peryodistas. Hating is evidence enough8) Philippine Press insist Filipino investigators should investigate not FBI. And prosecution should be done Filipino way not the American way for OBVIOUS REASON9) Philippine Press is ignorant why CSI TV Series preserve the crime scene and dug up cadavers layer by layer instead of using the weapons of crime, the backhoe, in digging up the cadavers. 10) Philippine Media is just clueless that they are idioting the Filipinos thru their perceived brilliance because they have credentials and graduate from pathetic Philippine ivy-school11) They are also clueless why the administration bought useless Hamilton Coast Guard cutter and dozens of armedless short-range dragonflies12) They are also clueless why they sent an armada of navies in floating coffins to Sabah while the precious Hamilton Armed-less harmless Coast Guard cutter are sitting off Manila Bay far far far away from their intended mission in Spratleys and Scarbourough Shoals.13) Philippine columnists can talk the Arts of War, Alexander the Great, Spartacus, Hannibal, NKVD military strategy but cannot know the dozens of dragon flies cannot fly as far as Spratleys and the Hamilton Class coast guard cutter do not have airport to land these dragon flies on.Few Research also found out that compelling arguments deserved to be hurled insults, gay and racial slurs while blatantly obviously looney comments are protected by looney Philippine columnists.The Philippine Media can know Willie Revillame abused the child in his show but cannot understand that Philippine Government have state-sponsored child abuse program for letting children, infants and toddlers sleep naked on the sidewalk exposed to the elements.THE PHILIPPINE MEDIA REFLECTS THE INITELLECT OF THE FILIPINOS. Whatever will happen to the Philippines when benign0’s term and LUCK is over?Will there be a next president that can carry what benign0 Aquino has started? I TRULY TRULY DOUBT.

  10. Where is Commission on Audit? General Accounting Office? When are they and the usually selective critic al media going to investigate wanton military spending when benign0's term is over? Or could this be an ammunition-in-waiting for the next fight for the presidency? They know that benign0 telling the people that he is buying this toys against China and yet sitting in Manila Bay doing nothing.As we all know, in every after-presidency there is and will be after-investigation. Because investigations prop up inutile presidency and newspaper circulation. FILIPINOS LOVE INTRIGUES AND INVESTIGATION.

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