The Society of Honor by Joe America

When Suffering Becomes a License to Make Others Suffer

By Karl Garcia

One of the more uncomfortable realities in Philippine society is that not all suffering produces compassion. Sometimes it produces resentment. Sometimes it produces indifference. And, in its darkest form, it produces a desire for others to endure the same pain.

This mentality appears in many forms.

A worker who was exploited tells younger employees that they should “pay their dues” instead of demanding fair treatment.

A student who endured hazing or relentless bullying insists that the next batch should experience the same because “we survived it.”

Parents who grew up under harsh discipline repeat the same violence toward their children, believing hardship builds character.

Officials trapped in inefficient bureaucracies sometimes become gatekeepers who make others suffer through the same delays they once experienced.

The underlying logic is simple: I suffered, so you should too.

This is not justice. It is the normalization of trauma.

Psychologists sometimes describe this as the intergenerational transmission of trauma or the cycle of abuse. Pain that is never processed can be reproduced rather than resolved. Victims are not destined to become victimizers, but unresolved hurt can increase the risk of harmful behavior if it is reinforced by culture, institutions, or social acceptance.

The same dynamic can appear in more extreme ways.

Someone who experiences years of humiliation, isolation, or bullying may direct their anger not at those responsible but at innocent people. History shows that some perpetrators of mass violence or random attacks had experienced rejection or abuse, although most people who are bullied never become violent. Bullying alone does not explain such crimes, nor does it excuse them. Violence emerges from a complex interaction of individual, social, and sometimes mental health factors.

This distinction matters because simplistic narratives can stigmatize victims rather than encourage prevention.

Social media has also amplified this cycle.

People who were once publicly shamed often become enthusiastic participants in online pile-ons. Individuals who complain about toxic behavior sometimes engage in harassment when they find themselves on the majority side. Outrage becomes contagious, and empathy becomes conditional.

In the Philippines, there is also a cultural thread captured by phrases such as “kami nga noon” (“we had it harder before”). Instead of asking how society can improve, hardship is treated as an inheritance that must be passed down.

This mindset slows progress.

Every generation should strive to make life better than it was before—not preserve unnecessary suffering as a tradition.

The healthier alternative is not to erase resilience but to redefine it.

True resilience is not proving that others can survive the same pain we did. It is using our own experience to ensure fewer people have to endure it.

A teacher who was once humiliated can create a classroom built on respect.

A manager who experienced exploitation can build a fair workplace.

A parent who grew up with violence can raise children without fear.

A public servant who once suffered from bureaucratic neglect can simplify public services.

Breaking the cycle requires seeing suffering not as a credential for inflicting pain, but as a reason to prevent it.

A compassionate society is not one without hardship. It is one that refuses to treat hardship as something that must be endlessly replicated.

The measure of a nation’s moral progress is not whether every generation can say, “We survived.” It is whether the next generation can honestly say, “Because of those who came before us, we no longer have to suffer in the same way.”