RESIGN, PRESIDENT DUTERTE
by Andrew Lim
Gotcha! I am not asking him to resign as President.
What I am asking, specifically: for President Duterte to resign immediately and irrevocably his executive functions that involve the following: the economy and foreign policy.
Allow me to argue the case.
When one starts to see conspiracy when there is none, it is cause for alarm. When Duterte asserted that the US is behind the drop in the peso’s value versus the dollar, and Budget Secretary Diokno immediately contradicted him, I panicked for Diokno’s sake. What if he ends up in the new narco-list for doing that to the President? Not only that, when Duterte promised to double police and military personnel salaries right away, here comes Diokno with his own reality show- not this year, nope.
Remember what happened to Fredo for not concurring with Michael Corleone? Diokno can handle thick economic textbooks, but what if he is made to eat them?
During the campaign, Duterte batted for reviving the steel industry. When apprised of collapsing global steel prices and after suspicions were raised that this was due to a major supporter whose family once owned the largest steel company in the country, he retracted. Talk of a musical revival that will never happen. Reminds me of Milli Vannili.
Foreign Secretary Yasay and Defense chief Lorenzana often speak of policies opposite from the President’s.
I am asking the Americans to leave. No, they’re not.
These planes from the US, they are just for ceremonial purposes. Sir, they’re from South Korea.
This will be the last joint exercise. No, they will continue in 2017.
I am looking to buy arms from China and Russia. He just told us to browse the catalogs. But we haven’t found translators as they are all in Cyrillic and hanzi.
I am about to cross the Rubicon. Oh that was just dramatics, said Yasay, perhaps referencing Marlon Brando in Julius Caesar. Or was it Clooney in Hail, Caesar?
I understand Sun Tzu’s “confuse the enemy”, but in this case Yasay and Lorenzana are not the enemy.
I will metamorphose. No you have metastasized. He, he joke. Neither Yasay nor Lorenzana said that. But Senator Saguisag has raised that question.
I will stop swearing at other foreign leaders. But wait, my oath says, “ I do solemnly swear…” He he, another joke.
The fields of economics and foreign policy can be complex or it can be simple. Depends on how many books one wants to read. In the President’s case, only two: Ioan Grillo’s El Narco: Inside Mexico’s Criminal Insurgency and Robert Kaplan’s Asia’s Cauldron and the End of a Stable Pacific. One is about draaaags, and the other one, Richard Heydarian hates. Heydarian is the only foreign policy analyst on TV who looks like a movie star, so I believe him. The others look like stale bread. There’s no economics book in the President’s reading list.
When NEDA secretary Pernia said “drug deaths are a necessary evil”, he was referring to Adam Smith’s “invisible hand.” Because no one ever sees who’s doing the shooting. The entire UP School of Economics fainted.
There are tangible, substantial benefits if the President relinquishes his functions for these two major areas:
He will have more time to spend for rest in Davao.
He can concentrate on fighting drugs, draags, draaaaags. My God, I hate draaaaags. Like shabu and Sass Sasot.
He can give more OJT (on the job training) for supporters like Mocha and Alan Peter. Mocha will be given research assignments on the gyrations of the exchange rate, while Alan Peter will be asked to compare the adhesive properties of the various tapes sold in Ace Hardware. Alan Peter can then recommend which ones to use in securing new alliances with Russia and/or China.
He can assign the eloquent and erudite (UN ambassador-to-be Teddy Boy Locsin) to justify the egregious (amazing alliteration!) – that the drug situation is indeed an existential threat.
Ironically, the philosophy of existentialism can be used to diminish existential threats.
I end with a quote from Jean Paul Sartre, an existential philosopher: “When the rich wage war, it’s the poor who die.”
This essay falls under the category of “satire”, a literary form that uses any of the following: wit, sarcasm, irony, caricature, exaggeration to highlight human folly. It has been demonstrated that it is a form unfamiliar and difficult to engage for many, specially social media commenters who use “bias” without the “ed” or those who wish rape and death for those they disagree with. It creates befuddlement, just like Secretary Yasay who hears things the President did not say, and does not hear what he did say.