“Let’s see if I have this right . . .”
By Joe America
I’d like to confirm that my thinking is properly aligned with, and supportive of, the Duterte Administration. You know, to abide by the terms of my resident visa.
As I understand it, that hokey “rising star of Asia” slogan was propaganda promoted by the failed Aquino Administration, a bunch of losers who allowed drugs, crime and poverty to flourish and were not able to get peace in Mindanao. Plus they offended our good neighbor China by filing a court case, and they operated as a lackey of the warmongering imperialists in America.
Our nation is actually a dirty, drug infested, crime-riddled cesspit of poverty and depraved, corrupt politicians, most of whom we have managed to switch to our side.
The Philippines is under dire threat from drugs so we should take drastic action and execute those who impose their dirty medicines on our peaceful society. Unless they are people of power themselves, and potentially useful to us. Then we should spare them. The courts are largely hopeless. Our police are better judges than our judges. They work faster, that’s for sure!
The US is a greedy, self-serving dog and has prevented us from developing as a modern, civil society. They keep imposing their colonial restraints on our innocent persons. Opening the Tacloban airport after Yolanda was a propaganda play. We’ve tried, but the Americans keep interfering. Like that gay Jew, former Ambassador Goldberg, what a jerk. We should work with China and Russia to carve out our own independence and enrichment. Japan, too, if they will loan us enough money.
Democracy in the Philippines has failed the people. We can provide a better, faster-changing government by cutting through all the red tape of due process and even laws. We know better than everybody else what needs to be done. That’s why none of us listens to anybody and why it is important to prosecute those who might get the public’s attention and disrupt our efforts. Like that sex fiend and Satan-worshiper Lila De Lima.
We have not issued any policy inconsistencies or contradictions. The media and general public are hasty and make incorrect interpretations before the matters are finalized. They should be more patriotic and patient. We will run a powerful communications program to counter the irresponsible journalists and media. Our first targets will be the investigative or fact-finding publications, given that they are not really Filipino patriots when they imply bad motives or work.
We are a completely open and honest government, with 161 exceptions.
I think I understand now, and want to be a patriot, too! Sign me up! Sign me up! I can free my schedule immediately to start spreading the Word. It will take me a couple of hours to set up my trolling program. Gotta get the VPN working right and about a dozen fake accounts. That’s the patriotic thing to do, after all.
I can stop going to church right away and set up deposit accounts for the payments I’ll get. Definitely having the right kind of patriotism pays big time.
I understand we are not supposed to use those biased Western news organizations like the Associated Press or that Frenchie agency, but should take our direction from Mocha Uson. She’s kinda pretty, although I’m not particularly keen on the picture of her with her hand down that fat guy’s pants. But, bottom line, she is a right proper Filipino patriot.
Upward Philippines! To a magnificent future under our Great Leader and the best staff, programs and patriotic followers in the universe!
Cheers to our brave legislators! They are bold enough to tear down this idiotic democracy with its irresponsible due processes and freedoms.
Hurrah to the cabinet! They stand as one, united and patriotic, even the commies!
Praise be to our Lord Duterte, the man of the moment, and the old wise-guys who surround him and interpret what he really means! Where others see a blathering psychopath, we see a man of courage and vision who represents our very souls in his every unintelligible utterance!
Fuck the Americans and the Catholic Church! God bless China, Russia and the Philippines! And Japan if they loan us enough money!
And please renew my visa when it comes due this January.